mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
