I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
