clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
