it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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