Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
