He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize