Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm getting married
To pizza
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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