it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
