I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
