i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
