Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize