i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
