Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
