why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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