respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize