he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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