she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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