so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
