I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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