Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize