I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
