the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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