I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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