so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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