My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
