tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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