She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
