i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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