apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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