Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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