Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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