You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
