Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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