The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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