I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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