are you so shy because you have an std?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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