mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
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