i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize