hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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