someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
