I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
