nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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