she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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