Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
