I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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