cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
