i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
