I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
