He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
