Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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