she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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