How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
