I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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