I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
