We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
