I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize