i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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