Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
