I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
