Already got asked if we're dating
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
