i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
