OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
