I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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