hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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