Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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