You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
