I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
