Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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