She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
