i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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