was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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