We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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