I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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