mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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