ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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