I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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