he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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