i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
