I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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