see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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