who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
