it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
