He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
