Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
