Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize
