she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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