talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
