Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
