new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
