quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
