Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
