Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
