I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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