Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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