I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
