so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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