i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
